Disturbing emotions

disturbing emotions
Got any? Oh come on, tell the truth. We all do, don’t we?
Well, I have no idea where I’m going with this post today, so please bare with me if I ramble a bit.
I have many disturbing emotions myself right now. And truthfully I am not even sure what they are about.
During meditation last night, I watched that movie screen in my mind and let so many things come and go. This did help settle these disturbing emotions down quite a bit, but they are not gone. I do have the awareness that they are there, albeit held in check.
I could put things in perspective, and see how other peoples struggles are far greater than mine. An example would be a Parent who has a child fighting cancer. Certainly, if this were my child, all other struggles would seem minuscule and unimportant.
But, and very thankfully, this is not my mind right now. I only see my mind and my struggles at this moment. And yes, appreciating how fortunate and blessed I am does help a bit. But that is only temporary, as my disturbing emotions still lie within me. Hey, maybe I just discovered a truth! These emotions LIE within me. These are lies, not realities. These are perceptions and attachments to things/problems that do not even exist.
So why do I cling to them like a warm blanket? What comfort am I finding in these disturbances? Was my friend right, many years ago, when she told me I like a little Dukkha in my life? Boy, there’s a disturbing emotion right there!
So whats the answer? I have no idea.
Seems as though this suitcase of “junk” has a personal attachment for me. It’s my junk, I own it. No matter what happens day to day, I always have my junk. Sounds ridiculous I know. But I really think that’s what it boils down to. It’s that old Buddhist attachment thing biting me in the butt again!

So let me just say thank you for listening to me. It really helped to put this in print and think it through.
It hasn’t made me let go of my junk, but it has given me some clarity about why I carry it.
And I do think that is a step in the right direction.

May you be well, happy and peaceful