The roots of codependence

I can’t live, if living is without you ~ Mariah Carey

How many of us are in a relationship and feel so strongly about our loved one that we cannot imagine a life without them? That warmth, closeness, understanding and comfort is so easy to become addicted to.
But the reality is, most of us are not in the first or only relationship we have ever had in our lives. So somehow, we all managed survive the heartache of a breakup only to love again.
Ah, but you are thinking to yourself that this relationship is different from any in the past, right?
Well don’t worry, I am not here to tell you that isn’t true. Each relationship is unique and special. And I’m sure your current love is truly the love of your life.
But would you actually die without them?

While many of us may feel this way about our partners, in truth, life would go on. And whether you fell in love again or not is really irrelevant.
The point is that life exists in all of its richness regardless of “sharing” it with a love interest. But this is only true if we are fully aware of our own uniqueness and yet connectedness to one another and all other living things.

I see codependence as the absence of wisdom and awareness. So long as any of us remain ignorant to the realities of impermanence, we are asking for suffering. And thinking that you could not live without any other person in your life is only being delusional. You are trying to control something that cannot be controlled. Creating expectations where there should be none. And make permanent something that by nature is impermanent.
If we take a look here at the three components of dependent origination (paticcasamuppāda) that are included in defilements, you will find ignorance, craving and clinging.
I see the path to our own liberation, the cessation of suffering, as having a strong foundation in our ability to see and accept this core teaching of the Buddha.

We each come into this World alone and with nothing. We will exit it in the very same way.
Through the gentle process of mindful awakening, we can each endeavor to become accepting of our own true nature. I see this a path towards unconditional love and selflessness. A boundless compassion that is without beginning or end, belonging not to me or to you. As endless and without condition as the Universe in which we live.

May you each be well, happy and peaceful.