Letting go of nothingness

Last night as I began my meditation, I decided to try something different.
I usually either do Loving kindness (Metta) meditation, where the focus is on loving myself and all other beings. Or I do Mindfulness (Vipassana) meditation, where my attention is simply on observing the mind.
nothingnessBut last night, I thought to myself, what if I attempt to do nothing? Focus on nothing, attempt to accomplish nothing. So there I sat in nothingness. At first, a few thoughts and distractions were passing across my consciousness. But as I focused on my breath, a stillness came over me. A sense of nothing.
My body began to feel of sense of rhythm with all things. And as I let go of that too, I felt this amazing sense of nothingness. It was beautiful, amazing, peaceful, beyond words.
My instinct was to stay in this place as long as I could. But I immediately knew that this too would be clinging, and that nothingness would dissolve.
So I let go of that attachment, I let go of that joyous feeling.
Nothingness returned, but only for a moment.
You see, I am unskilled and this was a completely new experience for me. I still do not know how to view things with equanimity (Upekkha).
But I do seem to have gained some new insight or awareness.
I have seen that in nothingness is everything. That’s the only way I can describe it.

As I continue, I know that I need to be aware that nothingness just is. If I reach for this, it simply becomes another desire, and I will be missing the whole idea.

My advice to you, if you achieve nothingness, simply let it go.
Just be present in this very moment and this breath.

May you be well, happy and peaceful.