I have found myself continuing to have a real unending and dying thirst for knowledge and understanding of the Buddhist texts (Pāli Canon/dhamma). But this has brought on a bit of a conundrum for me. The Monks and Nun of Blue Lotus Temple have very busy schedules, and so very many people to work with and classes to hold. So it is not fair of me to ask for special attention in my studies. But I find that reading and studying on my own usually leaves me with more questions than answers. This can, at times, feel very exasperating.
My conundrum lies in the fact that my determination to learn and grow is actually causing me suffering in a way. And of course the practice is supposed to eliminate suffering and not create more.
So I wonder, if I am to let go of this “desire” to learn more, how do I gain higher levels of wisdom and knowledge?
Do you see the problem here?
A couple of the Monks have said to me that everything is dhamma. And they have also said that meditation is available in everything I do.
I firmly believe both of these statements to be true.
But if I accept only these two things, aren’t I discarding all the teachings of the Buddha?
There are thousands of lessons that the Buddha shared with all of us to clearly guide us to liberation from suffering. And I don’t think he was wasting his time or breath. These teachings all had great importance and relevance to this World.
And I also know that my time in this body is limited, so the efforts of each breath are very important. I am not at peace to simply observe as my body decays. I am in fact dying to learn.
So I open this to each of you, and your suggestions for my personal dilemma. And if you find the same desire affecting you, I would like to hear about that as well.
We all do the best we can, only I believe that I can do better. And if I can do better, gain more wisdom and understanding, I know that I can be of benefit to more sentient beings. And this truly is the basis of my determination.
May you be well, happy and peaceful.